Can we be Friends?

I actively and passionately seek friendship and fellowship with my brothers & sisters in Christ who share the following ideals of friendship.

I am a Born Again Christian, who fears God, loves God, and wants to be fully obedient to God and the Holy Bible.  I seek to live without hypocrisy, living according to God's truth, facts, priorities, urgencies, values, goals, plans, & morals.  

Therefore I love all humans in the same manner as I love myself.  

We are all sinners in this fallen, evil world.  Some sin more than others, or sin differently.  i believe that those who truly love their friends, neighbour, & acquaintences will warn them of dangers (both in this life, and the next), help them, & edify them.

If you are not currently a Born Again, obedient Christian who lives a righteous life without hypocrisy, then I still invite you to be my friend.  However, be aware that I have a duty to preach the Gospel to you, and warn you of the costs and dangers of the path you currently walk; all this done with love, compassion, & friendship.

Christians have a duty to lovingly rebuke their friends & fellow Christians for their obvious sins, transgressions, or unfriendly behaviour.  

Good friends willingly learn from their mistakes, re-examine their questionable behaviour(s), & if necessary, seek additional info from their friends or others.  If they have truly acted in a unfriendly or sinful manner, they will:   1) contritely confess, repent, and seek forgiveness from God;  2)  apologize to their friend(s) that they wronged;  3) offer restitution if warranted;  and 4) ask for their friend's forgiveness.

Good friends quickly & graciously accept heartfelt confessions, repentance, &  apologies; and forgive their friend(s).  Good friends hold neither anger, nor bitterness, nor hard feelings, nor malevolence, nor passive-aggressive feelings, nor vengence against their repentant friend(s); instead, they forgive, move on, and don't look back.

Both Christians and good friends flee from sin, temptation, and evil persons who harm others (purposefully or inadvertently).

Both Christians & good friends practice the Fruits of the Holy Spirit on a daily basis:  love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance,  righteousness, godliness, and patience.

Both I, and those whom I seek to call my friends choose to mutually treat themselves and all others with dignity, respect, trustworthiness, and the full truth in all conversations.  

Trustworthiness is defined by, created by, protected by,  nurtured by, or destroyed by 4 factors:   1) Benevolent best interest in the other party;  2) Open & honest communication;  3) Competency; and 4) Predictable behaviour.  These I seek to practice so that I am a trustworthy person.  I expect similarly from my friends.

If someone is not willing (or not able) to share the whole truth, then they should keep quiet, or alert the other(s) that they are only sharing the truth on one segment, but not all segments.

Friends support, help, encourage, and celebrate the other friend's activities and victories; and commiserate their troubles.

Friends may (or more often, may not) agree on all opinions, alleged facts, factors to be considered, actions, inactions, tastes, styles, priorities, urgencies, values, and goals.  Provided these occur within the previously stated limits, good friends will welcome, accept, cheerfully tolerate, &/or celebrate these diversities among friends.

I choose to be bound by all the above for my friends, my fellow Christians, and all others; yes, even those who choose to be sinful, &/or my enemy.

If all this sounds like the type of friendship you would like to have with me, and you voluntarily agree to be bound by all the above, then I welcome you as my friend, & look forward to the mutual benefits of our friendship from now on.

Comments on my definitions and ideals on Christian friendship?  Please leave your comment, & suggestions.

Love Vs. Iniquity

This Blog Posting is Part 2, an expansion of Part 1: Exactly How Do You Love Jesus?

The Bible tells us that Apostle John loved Jesus in the "agapao" way.

"Agapao" is the Greek word (Strong's G25) for a Holy kind of eternal, all consuming type of love.

 Luke 10:27, Mark 12:30, John 13:34, and Mat 22:37 tells us to love God in an "agapao" way.

 In John 14:15, John records Jesus saying "If ye love me, keep my commandments". This again is the "agapao" type of love.

In  1 John 2:15-17 we are told not to love the world nor the things therein with an "agapao" type of love. The world is temporary, full of pride and lust.  Even though God created the world, the world is not God, for God is permanent.  We must love the Creator and our fellow humans, not the rest of creation.  Agapao love of the rest of the created world is idolatry.

In the OT, Deut 6:4-5 and Levit 19:17-18 tells us to love God and neighbours in a Hebrew "ahab", Strong's H157 manner, similar to Strong's G25 "agapao" type of love.

Apostle Peter could never bring himself to "agapao" type of love for Jesus, as Peter was stuck at the "fileo" level of friendship, not deep abiding love that Jesus gave, and wanted in return (see John 21:7-18). No wonder Peter denied Jesus 3 times a short time later.

"Agapao" type of love is what the Bible says and means when "a man knows a woman" and they become one flesh. God's love for us is "agapao" love.

 For more understanding of "agapao" love, see C.S. Lewis' The Four Loves (Agapao) https://youtu.be/gaVaGGpeQKM

Is there a danger or consequence to a shallow love of Jesus, just the friendship level, the "fileo" level?

 In Mat 7:21-23 the people cried 'Lord, Lord', and claimed to have prophesized, cast out devils, & done many wonderful works. But Jesus said "I never knew you: depart from me, you workers of iniquity".

"Depart from me" means these workers of iniquity must leave Heaven, and get thrown into Hell.

 In Mat 13:41-42, at the 2nd Coming of Jesus, Jesus sends His angels to gather up all those doing iniquity, casting them into a furnace of fire, to their wailing and nashing of teeth.

 Iniquity is deadly.

For all those misleading Pastors who teach a simple A-B-C, magical prayer as being 100% sufficient for salvation, they need to reform their incorrect teachings, and tell everybody that they have previously misled.

 When "agapao" love is missing, iniquity reigns.

Iniquity is defined as pre-planned, purposeful sin. KJV uses 6 different words for iniquity: H205, H5766, H5771, H5999 G93, and G458.

Mat 25:12 tells us the parable of the Five Foolish Virgins, not adequately prepared, not watching, arriving after the door was shut, saying "Lord, Lord, open to us". The Master said "I know you not".

Again, a shallow relationship (ie. anything but deep "agapao" type of love, so the groom doesn't know the foolish virgins in a deep "agapao" kind of way). 

I suggest that a half-baked kind of love leads to a half-baked type of preparations for the groom's arrival.

Today  the church is Jesus' bride, who must watch and prepare herself and be continuously ready for His arrival.

What should a wedding groom think & feel when his bride has 1,001 priorities which are wrongly judged more important than getting ready for the wedding ceremony?

 The logical corollary to John 14:15 is that those who fail to follow Jesus' commandments (10 in OT, 16 more in NT, 26 commandments in total, see "God's 26 Commandments for Christians", pdf document here: https://et-manitoulin.blogspot.com/p/documents.html ) are hypocrites; they pretend to deeply love Jesus, but fall short of true, deep, "agapao" type of love of Christ.

They pretend, but truly only love Jesus half heartedly, merely for show, or virtue signaling, or political correctness, or to extract maximum benefit with minimal effort, or to manipulate others, or band wagon jumping, or to avoid personal shame.

 Is this similar to the Pharisees that upset Jesus so much, with their "holier than thou" attitude, and their lack of "agapao" love for both man and God?

 In Luke 6:46, Jesus complained "And why call ye me, 'Lord, Lord', and do not the things which I say?" Those "things which I say" are Jesus' teachings, mainly His commandments.

 There is a huge difference between iniquity (ie. pre-meditated, purposeful sin &/or living in chronic ongoing sin) vs. accidental sin.

 Accidental sin will likely continue as long as you have a flesh body.

 Iniquity however, can be eliminated if you are truly saved, are Born Again, have the help of the Holy Spirit, and have a deep "agapao" type of love for Jesus Christ.

 False conversions (ie. those who pretend but are not True Christians), will continue with both iniquity and accidental sins in their lives. They may think they are destined for Heaven, but they will be thrown into Hell to be tormented and burned forever when their shallow, half hearted love and their ongoing iniquity is exposed. They will likely be the weepers in Hell.

 Here are some more verses that warn against iniquity: Ex. 20:5, 34:7; Job 4:8, 13:26, 34:32; Psalm 5:5, 6:8, 25:11, 32:2, 36:2, 51:5, 103:3; Prov. 22:8; Is. 53:5; Hab. 1:13; Ez. 3:18, 18:26; Mat 7:21-23, 13:41-42, 24:12, 25:1-13, 25:31-45; Luke 6:46, 13:25-27; John 14:15; Acts 1:18, 8:23; 2 Tim 2:19; Rom 6:19; 2 Thes 2:7; James 3:6; and Rev 14:9-20.

 Hosea 4:6 describes how Israel was destroyed by chronic sin. In Romans 1:21-28 people knew God but vanity and arrogance caused them not to worship God, but worship themselves, so they continued to sin, and God allowed them to continue in their sins & reprobate minds.

 Sin, especially chronic sin (ie. Iniquity) brings sickness. See: Ezek 4:17; Ps. 38:3, 107:17; Hosea 7:1; Zeph. 1:17; John 9:2; Micah 6:13; James 5:14-15; and 1Corith. 11:27-30.

If anybody doubts the deadliness of iniquity, or believes God's Commandments are "soooo Old Testament", and not applicable to those claiming salvation under Jesus Christ; that mere belief in Jesus is enough for Heavenly salvation,  then these deceived (&/or Deceivers) should be able to fully explain away all of these troublesome verses shown here.

Exactly HOW do you love Jesus?

Many people say they love Jesus.  Exactly how much, and in what way do you love Jesus?

Adults learn that talk is cheap.  People say many things, but what they do is sometimes different.  People sometimes say one thing in public, a different thing is said in private among family and close friends, and an even greater difference what is privately thought (shared with nobody), and is different again from what they eventually do.  All this is commonly called virtue signaling, hypocrisy, lying, and similar.

In John 14:15, Jesus says:

If ye love me, keep my commandments.

The Greek word for love used here is Strong's G25, agapeo which has the following meaning:

• of people
• to welcome, to entertain, to be fond of, to love dearly
• of things
• to be well pleased, to be contented at or with a thing

There is another similar word (but with a world of difference), which is Strong's G5368 phileo which has the following meaning:

• to love
• to approve of
• to like
• sanction
• to treat affectionately or kindly, to welcome, befriend
   
• to show signs of love
• to kiss
   
• to be fond of doing
• be wont, use to do

To fully understand the difference, consider a young woman who is considering caving in to her boyfriend's sinful, relentless pressure to have sex outside of marriage.  She asks him,

Do you love me?

to which he responds,

"Oh ya, I really like you!

Should the girl consider this a positive response to her question?  Based on his response, has she found her one & only true life-long soul mate, who will deeply love her and cherish her, and have children with her, till death do they part?

To me, it seems that he can't even pretend he has a deep, passionate respect and love for her.  By his prior pressure and his answer, he seems to merely wants sex, and deflects the question when she asks for a show of commitment.

Let's look at how the disciples loved (or liked) Jesus.

In John 21:7-18 Jesus has a cryptic, yet telling conversation with Peter:

7 Therefore that disciple whom Jesus loved,^{G25 agapao} saith unto Peter, "It is the Lord". Now when Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he girt his fisher's coat unto him, (for he was naked,) and did cast himself into the sea.8 And the other disciples came in a little ship; (for they were not far from land, but as it were two hundred cubits,) dragging the net with fishes.9 As soon then as they were come to land, they saw a fire of coals there, and fish laid thereon, and bread.10 Jesus saith unto them, "Bring of the fish which ye have now caught."   11 Simon Peter went up, and drew the net to land full of great fishes, an hundred and fifty and three: and for all there were so many, yet was not the net broken.12 Jesus saith unto them, "Come and dine." And none of the disciples durst ask him, 'Who art thou?' knowing that it was the Lord.13 Jesus then cometh, and taketh bread, and giveth them, and fish likewise.14 This is now the third time that Jesus shewed himself to his disciples, after that he was risen from the dead.15 So when they had dined, Jesus saith to Simon Peter, "Simon, son of Jonas, lovest^{G25 agapao} thou me more than these?" He saith unto him, "Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love,^{G5368 phileo} thee." He saith unto him, "Feed my lambs."   16 He saith to him again the second time, "Simon, son of Jonas, lovest,^{G25 agapao} thou me?" He saith unto him, "Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love^{G5368 phileo} thee."   He saith unto him, "Feed my sheep."  17 He saith unto him the third time, "Simon, son of Jonas, lovest^{G5368 phileo} thou me?" Peter was grieved because he said unto him the third time, 'Lovest^{G5368 phileo} thou me?' And he said unto him, "Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love^{G5368 phileo} thee." Jesus saith unto him, "Feed my sheep."

Before I knew how to go to the original Greek, I always found this passage to be strange.  What was Jesus trying to get Peter to say?  Likely, Peter was equally confused and uncomfortable.  Peter kept expanding his answer that he responded with, trying to satisfy Jesus, trying to end the interrogation.  Peter liked living in the gray areas of assumptions and superficiality.

Now, we have excellent online tools (such as Blue Letter Bible ) to help us go to the original Greek and better understand what was really going on.  Strong's Lexicon numbers every Greek ("Gxxxx") and Hebrew ("Hxxxx") word used in the Bible, where it is used, and its definition.  A useful reference text.  Blue Letter Bible makes Strong's Lexicon available to everybody.

In Verse 7 of the Bible passage shown above, the disciple whom Jesus loved (Strong's G25, agapao) was John.

In Verses 15 to 16, Jesus tried 3 times to get Peter to say that Peter loved Jesus in a Strong's G25 agapao way.  Each time, Peter refused Jesus' proposal, lessening Peter's love to just "liking" Jesus in a Strong's G5368 phileo manner.

So as to not force Peter to do something Peter was unwilling to do, eventually Jesus gives up inviting Peter to the deepest form of G25 agapao love.

Trying to accept Peter where he was at, in Verse 17 Jesus reduces his prior proposal of G25 agapao love, settling for the mere G5368 phileo level of friendship.

Peter accepts this modified proposal, and responds in a like manner at the friendship level of G5368 phileo love.

Conclusion

Therefore you need to decide for yourself exactly how & how much you love Jesus.  Is it:

• A fair weather, superficial, "take it while you can easily get it", a Strong's G5368 phileo type of love?
  
  or
• A unique, loyal, deep, all important, whatever it takes, never let it go, live or die for it, eternal, Strong's G25 agapao type of love?

Choose carefully, for you may not get into Heaven with the watered down version. Apostle John loved Jesus in a G25 agapao way.  No half measures for John.

How about you?  How do you want to love Jesus, as a friend G25 fileo way, or like Apostle John, in a 100%, full-on, G5368 agapao manner?

 Remember, in John 14:15, Jesus says:

If ye love^{G25 agapao} me, keep my commandments.

Also remember Jesus' statement in Luke 13:22-28

22 And He [Jesus] went through the cities and villages, teaching, and journeying toward Jerusalem.23 Then said one unto Him, "Lord, are there few that be saved?"  And He said unto them,24 "Strive to enter in at the strait gate: for many, I say unto you, will seek to enter in, and shall not be able."   25 "When once the master of the house is risen up, and hath shut to the door, and ye begin to stand without, and to knock at the door, saying, 'Lord, Lord, open unto us'; and He shall answer and say unto you, 'I know you not whence ye are':26 Then shall ye begin to say, 'We have eaten and drunk in Thy presence, and Thou hast taught in our streets.'   27 But He shall say, 'I tell you, I know you not whence ye are; depart from Me, all ye workers of iniquity.'   28 There shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth, when ye shall see Abraham, and Isaac, and Jacob, and all the prophets, in the kingdom of God, and you yourselves thrust out."

If you aren't convinced by the verses above, see the following:

[Mat 7:23 KJV] 23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.  

[Mat 25:41 KJV] 41 Then shall He say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from Me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels:

[Psa 6:8 KJV] 8 Depart from me, all ye workers of iniquity; for the LORD hath heard the voice of my weeping. 

[Tit 1:16 KJV] 16 They profess that they know God; but in works they deny Him, being abominable, and disobedient, and unto every good work reprobate.

Being thrust out of the Kingdom of God means you are thrown into the Lake of Fire, to be burned & tormented in Hell for ever & ever.

That is why you need a deep, complete, forever love of Jesus.  You must have an agapao type of love, which drives you to willingly keep God's Commandments, and thereby avoid iniquity (ie. premeditated, purposeful sin on a chronic basis).

For more info on iniquity and its fatal consequences, see my Blog posting here.

The superficial friendship kind of love (G5368 fileo) will likely foster iniquity, and iniquity sends you to Hell.

Please download God's 26 Commandments for Christians (available here), then follow the instructions at the end.  Time is short, do it today, before it's too late.

Part 2:  Agapeo Love Vs. Iniquity

Jesus Vs. Satan, with Humans Caught Between

Jesus is pure, 100% Truth and Love, and therefore pure white light.  Satan is 100% Lies and Hate, and therefore pure blackness.  Humans are God's lost sheep wandering in the gray wilderness area between Jesus and Satan.

Truth can be used as a weapon.  I have seen (and personally experienced) the use of truth as a weapon.

What is truth without love?

When someone claims they love somebody, they will sometimes shelter the object of their "love" from the full truth.  White lies are told.  Part truths are told, where the "not so nice" parts are left out.  Part truths are sugar coated.  The story is twisted and coloured to the advantage of the one speaking.

Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965) said,

 "In war-time, truth is so precious that she should always be attended by a bodyguard of lies". 

With the amount of lying that occurs today, we all must be in a continuous state of war.

What is love without truth?

Love depends upon trust.

Trust is created and nurtured and protected by 4 mandatory factors:

• Benevolent best interest in the other party (ie. love)
• Open & honest communication (ie. Truth)
• Competency
• Predictable behaviour

If one or more of these 4 factors are missing, weak, or violated, trust is quickly stopped, or reduced, or destroyed.  Trust should take a significant period of time (and a number of sequential event) to slowly arise naturally.

Only Jesus can be fully trusted forever.  Period.  End of story.

Trusting humans isn't so easy.  Many people make the mistake of trusting too much or too quickly.  Others trust too little or too late.  All of these extreme cases have significant losses, risks, and dysfunctional outcomes.  Even when we trust the right amount at the right time, we are sometimes disappointed by a breach of our precious trust.

While trust can take a long time to form, it is usually destroyed in the blink of an eye.

Jesus embodies both truth and love simultaneously.

Jesus said there is no truth in Satan.  Inside Satan, there is pure hate for all that is good.

We humans are like lost sheep that wander in the gray area between Jesus and Satan.  We nibble the grass here, then go over there for what seems like good reasons at the time.  Often, there is little or no awareness, a lack of caring, miserly sharing, intermittent perseverance, a mediocre rate of improvement, and unclear or unspecific goals in our lives.  For the most part, we humans do as we please.  We run away to a different area when the consequences get too painful or risky.

If Satan starts to nip at our heels, we run a little closer to Jesus so as to be under His protection.  As soon as the immediate danger passes, we wander back to the darker shades of gray as we please.  In other words, most of us lack any visible commitment and consistency in our behaviors, and half-hearted allegiance to Jesus Christ.  Most of us are mediocre Christians, luke warm at best.

Most people don't realize we are now in End Times.  Times have changed.  We need to change too.

The geographical size of the gray area is shrinking fast.  The shade of gray is getting a darker and darker.  Soon there will be a chronic shortage of the gray area that remains,, and an uncomfortable shade of gray (ie. a significant lack of light) .  As the gray area disappears more & more, we humans will soon be forced to choose:   Pure White or Pure Black.

If you fail to choose, Pure Black is the default, with you eventually being tossed into the Lake of Fire with eternal suffering.

You must make a conscious, express choice of Jesus Christ, Heaven, light, white, and everlasting life.

Choose soon.

Make sure all your family, friends, and neighbours understand the important choice that must soon be made.

Love All, Loved By All

Do you love all, and are loved by all?  If not, you'd better pay attention to the following.

Are you a sourpuss with grudges, anger, & enemies?

Can you love your enemies? In Matthew 5:43-44, Jesus added this to the Commandments for Christians:

 Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.  But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

God's End Times process may be starting very soon, perhaps Nov. 30, 2018 or sooner.

If you have enemies and Grid-Down occurs during God's End Times process (ie. no electricity, phones, TV, Internet, stoplights, transit, water, sewer, food deliveries, etc.), governmental authorities will no longer be able to prevent or settle petty disputes, nor intervene on major crimes.  What is preventing your enemies from seizing this ripe opportunity to settle an old score?

On this basis alone, it's likely a good idea to bury the hatchet soon.  If you aren't worried about the possible consequences of enemies today (ie. you currently have the overwhelming advantage in any battle that may occur today), what happens if your fortune reverses, and you suddenly become poor, sick, lose your position of power, or slowly become old?

Remember, the opposite of love is not hate.  The true opposite of love is indifference (ie. "I just don't care!").  If you can't bring yourself to love at this moment, at least avoid indifference.

If no consequences arise from your anger and trespassing against others during your lifetime, perhaps you should consider what Jesus said in Matthew 6:14–15:

"If you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."

If God doesn't forgive your trespasses because you have failed to forgive the trespasses of others against you, then you will have residual sins when you stand before God at the Great White Throne, which means you will be judged sinful and go directly to the Lake of Fire for eternal suffering.  Claiming you know and believe in Jesus Christ won't save you from this terrible fate.  Jesus is quite clear that those who claim to know Him, but live in chronic sin, don't really know Him, and will be turned away from Heaven and thrown into the Lake of Fire for eternal suffering. (see Matthew 7:21-23, 1 John 2:3-6, and Blog: Know Your Sins, Transgressions & Iniquities).

Loving someone doesn't mean you have to put yourself into harms way.  Everybody, including true Christians need to keep a safe distance between themselves and Satan, killers, rapists, con artists, abusive family members, and all other risky people.  Rebuke the sins you uncover, and if they confess and repent, forgive them their transgression.

Do you have mutually reciprocal animosity of hate-hate with your enemies, or is it sometimes one-sided?  In other words:

• Are there some people who consider you to be their enemy, but you are unaware they have strongly negative feelings towards you?


• Are there good Christians who turn the other cheek, accepting you in spite of your anger and bad behaviours towards them?  The more they persist in treating you nicely in spite of the evil you spew at them, the more you see them as weak, Goody-Two-Shoes, and deserving of bullying and abuse?
• Do you hate or despise some people in secret, while pretending to be their friend?

If it's a 1-sided hate (ie. you are neutral or loving towards them, but they have a passionate hate on for you, and you know it), are you safe from the Lake of Fire?

I'm not so sure.  They obviously hold a grudge, so according to Matthew 6:14-15, they are damned to eternal punishment in the Lake of Fire.  You know they are damned by their grudge against you.  Do you have a sliver of glee, or a stone-cold heart about their terrible fate?  Either way, that may not be seen as a fully Christian attitude when you get to the Great White Throne Room.  I suggest you do everything within your power to help the other person overcome their animus towards you.

Under Takiyya, Quran 3:28 and 16:106 permits strategic lies to non-Muslims so that Muslims can protect themselves, their community, or Islam.  In the Bible, people were praised for choosing to oppose evil by concealing the truth from wicked people (see the lying midwives in Exodus 1, and Joshua 2:4–5 for the lies by Rehab about the Hebrew spies within Jericho).  Other than that, love (and/or "tough love") requires open and honest communication.  Truth should be done in a kind and loving manner; not harsh nor used as a weapon.

By writing his, I just realized that I know a few people who may have a grudge against me, even though I wish they didn't.  I guess I have some work to do too, and soon.

In business, I had the opportunity to travel all around the world.  A few foreigners have told me that Canadians are recognized the world-over for being Olympic Gold Metal contenders for passive-aggressive behaviours.  Most Canadians are very nice and polite, but never cross a Canadian, as many Canadians have long memories, and will likely get even when the opportunity presents itself.

Therefore Canadians may need to take a lesson from Jesus' book more than other citizens of this wicked world.

Alan Jacobs, a professor at Baylor University, wrote the book How to Think: A Survival Guide for a World at Odds.  Listen to an excellent CBC Radio Podcast about his ideas.

Paraphrasing Alan Jacob's ideas and combining it with Jesus' Commandment, I suggest the following for avoiding the creation of enemies, and to extinguish past fires:

1. Listen so as to understand without judging.


2. Count to 10.  While counting, DO NOT think about where you disagree, or how to defeat the other person's position.  Instead, think about where you agree, or have similar values, shared starting points, or win-win opportunities.


3. Immediately feed back the positives.  If necessary, ask a clarification question in a open, fair, non-judgemental manner to ensure you fully understand their position.


4. If, in spite of the first two steps, you get hot under the collar, or want to press your side of the issue, stop and count to 10 again.  Request the necessary time to fully consider the other person's point of view.  Use the break period to cool off, and reflect on the other person's point of view to your confidants, family, and friends; faithfully presenting the other person's view in the best possible light as their faithful agent while they are absent.


5. When you're ready, come back together with your new found friend who can work co-operatively with you so as to keep both of you from suffering forever in the Lake of Fire.

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